Thoughts On Being Single

Tuesday, June 16, 2020


Dress: Ross  |   Hair Clip: Marshalls

A couple of weeks ago on my Instagram stories someone asked me about dating and it got me thinking about so many important things in this season of my life. 

I think singleness is often something we look at as a bad thing, like something is wrong with us and our life...or that something is missing. The fact is, I’m single...I’ve been single for 24.5 years (that's weird actually typing it out), but you know what, I kind of love it! Since I've never been in a relationship I guess I don't know what I'm "missing out" on, but even if you have experienced a relationship, I think there is something beautiful to be found in singleness. 
I think singleness is often something we look at as a bad thing, like something is wrong with us and our life...or that something is missing. I mean, once you hit 20 everyone starts asking you “So are you dating yet?”...it’s like being in a relationship defines our status in society! I think the whole mindset around relationships and dating is even more skewed when you have been single your whole life (like me). 
But what if singleness were the best gift? What would you have to change about your mindset to see your season of singleness as a blessing and not a curse?

When our season relies on our mindset, It's all about how we think about and view the situation, because how we view our current season determines not only the outcome of that season, but the lessons we learn in the midst of it. 

If I can't view my season of singleness as a blessing (instead of a curse) and see all the great and positive things about it....if I can't be content in my singleness, then I am never going to be content in a relationship...changing my mindset about relationships and being single might take me changing my plans for life (or at least what I thought my life should look like), an instead rely on God's plan...even if it's not what I expected. 

Here's the real nugget of wisdom I've gleaned over the last 5ish years of my life....If my reason for desiring a relationship is in thinking that it will satisfy some desperate need that I have, then I am going to be let down and dissatisfied when that season comes, because as imperfect human beings, other people cannot satisfy our lives and fix all of our problems...finding joy and contentment in life starts with looking inside of ourselves. 

The fact of the matter is that this SEASON will never come again, so we should embrace it & value it, instead of being disappointed by it. Sure, you might not be where you want to be. Maybe you thought you would be married by now, or at least be in a relationship (fact: 15 year old me thought she would be married at 25). But there is a season for everything, and maybe you need this season of singleness to learn a lesson you need for your next season? 

 Maybe your not ready yet (as much as you think you are) and God knows that (he sees beyond the here and now)! Just like any aspect of my life, my currently non existent “love life” is all about TRUSTING God’s plan and his timing....I could meet "Mr. Right" tomorrow and if that happened I would jump on board with God's plan, but if not, I am fine with my season & find fulfillment in it. 

Of course as the years pass by and time ticks away it always get’s me to asking myself “at what point do I take steps to put myself ‘out there’ instead of waiting for someone to show up on my door step?” (theoretically, not literally, but hey, that doesn't sound like a bad plan). Because if we are being honest, it would be so much easier if I lived in the 1800’s and my parents just set me up with a rich guy who made 10,000 a year, or I met some young rancher who put an add in the newspaper and became a “mail order bride”, instead of me having to figure out this whole “modern dating” thing.

The funny thing is that the other day my mom looked at me and said "You know, I was thinking, if you ever want to try a Christian dating site, you should just go for it, see what happens"..... I'll be honest, I was not expecting her to say that and I honestly had to laugh because since Quarantine started I keep getting ads online for dating sites/apps. In all honestly, I see the positives of dating sites/apps, I can see the huge benefits those resources have for people (especially introverts), but at what point do you make that choice to try it out....is making that choice an act of desperation of taking matters into your own hands or is it an act of self growth and taking a leap of faith? Is really “putting yourself out there” a leap of faith in trusting God, or is it a stance saying you don’t trust his plan and timing and want to do it your way?

(for clarification, I don’t think I will try online dating any time soon…lol) 

The real message though, is that SINGLENESS DOES NOT DIMINISH YOUR VALUE, and it doesn’t take away from your life, just because your path looks different than another, doesn’t mean it is any less important.
I’ve learned over the years that If you aren’t content being single, you won’t be content in a relationship...you have to love and accept yourself for who you are first, before you can love an accept someone else. You have to embrace every season to enjoy the next! 
Relationships were never meant to satisfy all of our needs, as humans we are imperfect people, so what makes you think dating will complete you?

Only God can COMPLETE you, and if we can learn that lesson now, our future relationships will be all the more fruitful & we will value them more because we lived in Joy through our season of singleness!

Use this time to hone your talents, spend time in your favorite hobbies, deepen your relationship with God, serve others, travel, etc. This is your season to grow as a person! 


How are you living with joy and embracing this season?


-Madison

3 comments

  1. This was so beautifully written and your thoughts are spot on. I really loved my single years and was very content for the most part with the beautiful life God had given me. I never dated until I met my husband at 26 y/o-he was my first relationship. My sister also had her first relationship around that age and is now married to that guy. We had well meaning relatives suggest online dating, but we just didn’t feel like it was for us. I will never forget the Christmas my grandparents’ offered to buy us each a subscription to eharmony! They were seriously concerned because all of our cousins dated and we did not. In the end, God lead our paths in the direction to meet the right guys. We have nothing against dating around (hopefully it is intentional, and with one guy at a time lol), or online dating, it just didn’t need to happen that way for us. It is beautiful when it happens, and the season you are in is beautiful too. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Oh my goodness! I used to follow your old blog and just re-discovered you :P That part about your mom is nearly identical to mine :) I'm the same age as you and from your post nearly in the same position - I have dated, but dead single for the last 3 years. But I 100% relate to your thought process with putting yourself out there or is it not trusting God. - All that to say, I did dive into the wild world of line dating while I was in quarantine, and it a wild month:) It frustrating, at times exciting, and I'll admit there were teary conversations and prayers. But no Mr. Right. Funny story.... what got me to delete the last dating app was coming across an ex boyfriend's profile :P Trying it out, and seeing I wasn't missing out helped me settle even more into where God has me right now.
    It's great seeing other gals rocking the single life! :)

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